My Worst Nightmare But My Perfect Dream
by FairyPrincess28
Summary: bella wants more cause edward is giving her less. it is driving her insane and all she wants is too feel like shes actually pretty despite all the times edward tells her she is. she is now going to actually do something about it. R&R!
1. Angel of words

_I have finally gotten around to writing a Twilight fanfic and I'm uber excited! I just finished Breaking Dawn (yes I know that I started the series late) and I can't wait to see Twilight! Eek! It shall be awesome! Anywayyy enjoy and review! Tell me if it's horrid or if by some chance it's actually ok and tell me if I should continue. Haha. _

It's just a dream. It's just a dream. I keep having to tell myself that. That doesn't mean I will stop having heart failure though. My heart will only stop beating when I am turned and I am with the people I truly belong with. Besides that, I know that Edward will never leave me. He knows I am a walking accident and couldn't bear to see me hurt. It's bad enough that I guilt him into staying with me on days he goes hunting, forcing him to hunt alone at night. I can't bear to be left alone during the day. These nightmares are taking over me and I know he can see it too. I don't even have to ask him to stay by me at all times. He is just there as a protective shield. I wish he could hear my thoughts. It'd make explaining my worries and thoughts so much easier, and he would be able to see my dreams so I wouldn't have to torture myself by thinking about them again. This dream was one of the worse I've ever had. The fighting and the burning of the vampires I could deal with, but in this dream…in this dream Edward left and never came back. I had no thoughts of him no nothing. It was as if he was erased from my head permanently. That wasn't something I was about to live with. Not now. Not ever.

"Good morning Bella, love." That was the voice I'd been longing to hear. The butter smooth, perfect voice. "Sweet dreams?" he asked. "Oh the sweetest of them all." There was sarcasm in each word. "I am sorry I was gone longer than I expected. I haven't hunted in awhile and the elk just tasted so heavenly." I wonder if I'd live it too. "Make sure you save some for me!" "Love, I'd be lucky enough if you save any elk for me." Whoa seriously? I was never a big eater. Or maybe the more appropriate term would be drinker. That doesn't sound right either. I'll come up with something.

_Please tell me if I should continue! Enjoy and review please!!!! Love ya'll in a nonlezzie way of course!!_

_xoxoxoxoxoxo_


	2. Freaks and Ball Gowns

_I guess I'll just keep posting and hope ya'll enjoy it. Haha. Hope you are having a wonderful Monday. Ugh school. Ugh finals. Ugh everything. Haha soon everything will be all over and winter break will begin. Yesssss. Haha enjoy and please review!!_

Ok I had another dream, and this was definitely quite unlike ones I've had before. This was something I never have done. Or Edward. At all. He is always pushing me away when I want just a little more in our relationship if you catch my drift. I mean don't get me wrong. I love the kissing and the holding, but that's not always enough. I'm a girl with needs. Which really wasn't supposed to be taken in a dirty way. I am just stating that I have certain needs with my boyfriend. Yes, I know I have a vampire as a boyfriend, but that that doesn't change much. Even if I was dating a human, they are both guys and have guy parts so I don't really see much of a difference. Well the major difference would be that one wants to kill me. I don't count that though. I don't care about that very much. I don't think anything is wrong with that. He'd probably convert me faster than kill me. Which I wouldn't mind. He know I want to be a vampire just like the rest of his family, and just because I am accident prone does NOT mean I am a weak Bells. Oh hell no. I can stand up for myself. Erm figuratively speaking because I am still not so good on my two left feet.

Back to my dream. We were in our meadow and Edward brought me close to his chest on his own. I am the one who usually fights him to allow me to be within and 1 cm radius of him. Our kissing generally looks funny too. His face sticks out and leans in and just keeps his hand by his body. That isn't weird or obnoxious at all. It feels like I have this rare disease that makes me feel uglier than possible. If I'm not enough of a freak, let's add a ball gown. Which is seriously what my dream did add. No lie. I can't even run in a ball gown, not that I would actually run anyways but that's just beside the point. I can't jump in a ball gown, again not that I would anyway. Too clumsy. Maybe I should jut start wearing gowns. I'll just trip and fall like in normal clothes. There isn't much of a difference. Edward would love the gown more though. It shows more skin. Maybe it'd actually drive him insane enough to actually want to touch me. Or maybe it'd be too much and he'd just leave me again. I'd kick his ass if he ever did that again. It was so upsetting and frustrating and I was just putting myself more in harms way. If he says he loves me, then why the eff did he do that? I mean seriously! Way to show your love for your girlfriend by just ditching her and traveling overseas to kill yourself. Well maybe the whole killing yourself was heroic and William Shakespearey, but still! Just a little melodramatic for the 21st century. Welcome to the 21st century all vampires!

_Hope ya'll enjoy and this story is pretty fun so I'm just going to keep posting. Oh and Bella's gown is on my profile. Haha of course reviews are always appreciated and I accept anonymous reviews! Fanx!! Love ya'll in a non lezzie way!_

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_


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